She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
