cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
