he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize