Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
