1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
