i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
