i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize