You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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