so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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