We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We had to coat check the pizza.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
