I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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