Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize