he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i believe in u and ur pee
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
