he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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