Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
