This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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