ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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