I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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