Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
