VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize