I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
