I just made out with a guy for $7.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
