i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I fill condoms, not promises.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
