you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
