She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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