I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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