He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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