there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
