if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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