you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
