I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
