went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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