i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
