we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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