hotel room ftw
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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