i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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