I cockslap morals
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
