My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
