By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
