there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
