Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
