look no pants
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
