Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
please come you make the beer taste better
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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