How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize