I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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