make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
the liver wants what the liver wants
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
