Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
