he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
