Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
