It was confusing and full of hummus
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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