Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
