Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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