tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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