Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
