Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
