Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
