I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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