he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
