i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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