he shaved USA in his pubs
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
