John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Randomize