I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
