I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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