maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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