I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
