I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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