Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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