if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
