hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
