I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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