I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
