Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
