put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
