omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
