Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
be right there i have to get my cape
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
