i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
