I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
