Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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